I haven’t been myself
Last night I was reading through some resources on personality types and I realized that I haven’t been myself. I’m usually in a constant state of learning knew things, analyzing them, looking for ways to better understand things. Being married has brought my attention to some very important and urgent things to think about at home. I’ve also been slowly recovering from a really difficult time. Some time ago I made some mistakes and came away terribly hurt. This has sapped a lot of my confidence and optimism about things.
Instead of chasing some grand dream I’ve begun to focus on little victories, small opportunities to make a difference and invest more in local relationships. When I look at the big picture of what is going in the church “emerging” or whatever it is such a mixed bag. Some stuff I read about makes me wonder what I’ve got myself in to. I think I just about fell off my chair when I read about someone using gambling to fund their ministry. Yet there are signs of maturity. New voices are coming on stream that move us beyond the McLarenesque mode of perpetual fuzziness.
It is fun to deconstruct and I did that for a long time. Now that I’m in a position to test out some of my theories the observations come slower but with more assurance. I’ve learned that we really do need to make a bigger deal about sin because it is things like pride, fear, laziness hold us back more than outdated church models and irrelevant programs. What I’m learning is not new nor is it profound. I really do wish I could blog something a little deeper or inspirational but that just isn’t where I’m at.