Romance, infatuation, and chemistry

Romance, infatuation, and chemistry

I’ve started to wonder if you get too old for infatuation or that special chemistry that turns guys in to absolute idiots when they are 22.  It’s been a long time since I felt that way.  I wonder if I’ve out grown such things.  I’ve had some married friends say the feelings go and they are replaced with something better.  It’s ok if you don’t feel them initially.  I’ve had other people tell you that they hold on to the memory of those feelings in the difficult times. 

Any thoughts?

  1. #1 by Darryl on April 28, 2004 - 8:14 pm

    Both/and. Having a commitment that doesn’t depend on romantic feelings is nice, but it sure is good to have romance from time to time, even if that’s not the basis of the relationship.

    When I was dating Charlene, I had a middle-aged man tell me that I had no idea what love is. He said, “Wait until you’ve been married twenty years. Then you’ll know what love is.” I’m starting to see what he meant.

  2. #2 by Beck on April 28, 2004 - 8:36 pm

    My grandparents have been married over fifty years and my grandma can still make my grandpa blush like a school boy. They hold hands like teenagers and I caught them kissing in the kitchen this past Christmas.

    Glen and I have been married for only five years, and that infatuated feeling has, for the most part, been replaced by a much deeper love that gets better every day. (Well most days…) But every now and then… when he surprises me with corn on the cob, or gives me a certain look, I feel my stomach drop just like it used to and I’m a giddy camp counsilor with a crush all over again. Romance and infatuation are still fun, even if they are definately not the best part of marriage. The best part is having your best friend with you.

  3. #3 by Jordon Cooper on April 28, 2004 - 8:48 pm

    I don’t know. Wendy and I have had difficult times and I am still pretty infatuated with her. I think over time those feelings of infatutation is supplemented by trust, respect, and the understanding that neither one of you will vote NDP in the upcoming federal election.

  4. #4 by dan on April 28, 2004 - 11:49 pm

    I agree with the both/and comment. I guess at one time I thought the giddy feeling was what it meant to be in love with someone. It is heaps more than that – the shared story, the meeting of the minds, the in jokes, the respect, the act of looking at your spouse and being overwhelmed with how happy you are to ended up together.

    But at the same time, the infatuation stuff, the spur of the moment chemistry is all there too – and perhaps all the more treasured because it comes against a background of all the other stuff.

  5. #5 by Toni on April 29, 2004 - 1:24 am

    Chris and I will have been married 23 years this October, so I’ve a little experience. Our relationship happens on several levels:

    There are times when all the feelings of warmth and love are there in full flow and you just wish you could get rid of the kids for an hour or 2. And BTW bed is exactly where those feelings lead.

    There are times of feelings of closeness and friendliness, of wanting to share thoughts and feelings.

    There are times when you’ll be happy just to be in the same room, reading, working on the PC etc.

    There are times when you really want to be in quite separate rooms, because you’ll annoy each other enormously.

    Underneath all that is love (none of the above qualify) where we have determined to set the other above ourselves, out of choice, rather than feeling – even (especially) when they REALLY ANNOY US!!!

    And below that is the lack of awareness of Chris as a separate person – it’s like we are the same now, part of each other. More than familiarity.

    I don’t think the feelings ever especially atrophy, but some people intellectualise and abstract their relationship until they’re like a couple of colleagues working on a long term project. And some try to control their feelings so they don’t get vulnerable and do stupid things when (they think) they should know better.

  6. #6 by markio on April 29, 2004 - 5:17 pm

    I wish that I could speak to the long term thing but I can only speak to infatuation. That early chemistry can still happen it’s just that you may end up being a little more cautious about who gets to experience it. You hopefully get a little wiser and you don’t let yourself fall for everything in the path. But when you do, you’ll fall hard because we were designed for that. All men get stupid but only a handful get wise.

  7. #7 by Toni on April 30, 2004 - 5:01 am

    I think the plan was that you fall jointly and don’t look back. I remember someone posting in the “God told me I should marry you” thread about how He expected us to use our common sense. All I can say is that from observation, human common sense seems to end in a lot of divorce and hurt.

    I do wonder about people of both sexes embarking on a relationship where the target isn’t partnership. This isn’t aimed at Markio, but some people seem to think dating is good.

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