Archive for November, 2003

Rochelle is awesome!

Rochelle is awesome!
Friday night I met Rochelle.  She is Mark‘s girlfriend.  What a fantastic girl.  We played a little Settlers of Catan and talked about Mark’s diminutive tree.  It’s really unfortunate that my blind obsession with beating Scott enabled Mark to win again! 

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Ugh

Ugh
It’s amazing how fast the numbers change after the election.

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Where the heck is Leighton?

Where the heck is Leighton?
Yes I haven’t been blogging much lately.  Some of my local friends are starting to ask why.  It takes a certain amount of emotional stamina for me to blog.  Emotional stamina I haven’t had of late.  It is coming back slowly. 

One of the reasons has to be that I don’t have that much to say.  I’ve hit a point of uncertainty.  I’m questioning myself and my direction.  Is the emerging church much of an improvement over the “modern” church in the areas where it really counts?  Now don’t get me wrong, I much prefer the house church over any other kind of church I’ve been a part of.  It is very nice to be part of a relational low overhead church.  Something tells me that we have just begun to explore what it means to authentically follow Christ as a group. 

I also believe that sections of the emerging church are making the same mistakes the church did in the last few hundred years.  The church modernized the gospel to make it more relevant but in the end modernity fractured the church and neutered the gospel.   It’s particularly disturbing when I see people puting postmodern clothes on the modernized gospel.  I don’t think that is going to get us anywhere.

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I'm coming back

I’m coming back
I haven’t put a lot of energy in to my blog of late.  I just haven’t had the strength to write about anything.  Now I’m starting to come out of my emotional funk  I’ve learned a few difficult things.  I’ve had to face some old questions that I have yet to answer.

Why?  Why do I try serve God?  Why do I seek knowledge and wisdom?  Why do I attempt to invest in other people?  Why did I join with others in this house church?  Why do I write and attempt to challenge others?

Is it because I love God?

This week God came through for me in a big way.  He rescued me from a whole host of irrational fears and anxiety.  I leave the experience strangley convicted.  Why is it I don’t care that much about God when things are going well?  When things are rough I ask in quiet desperation for relief from the consequences of my own failures and frailty.  Then when God does rescue me His importance faces in to the background.

I’m rethinking my own level of sincerity.  I don’t want to become paralyzed by over analyzing but I think it’s is time I think through some things.

I once believed I truly loved God.  Is it love or is it the idea of being on God’s side.  Am I actually serving my concept of truth and justice and applying God’s name to it?  I have this sense in my heart that much of what I talk about is very secondary to what truly matters.   I’m not sure how to talk about what really matters.  

Another thing I’m learning is that I’m much weaker than I think I am.  I’ve always wanted to be this stalwart bastion of truth and justice that can not be detered.  The truth is I need people more than I realize and I don’t want to need people because I don’t want to trust them.  I think I’m beginning to realize that I can’t make it through this life by myself.  This doesn’t mean I’m looking to get married right away, it means that I think I’m holding some of my cards a little too close and I need to learn how to rely on others. 

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Deep Cut

Deep Cut
I’ve found it difficult to find my own words to express myself in recent days.  I find I resonate with the words of many songs.  This is a good one, although it wasn’t a hit and I’ll be impressed if people figure it out without googling it.

Well, what is your costume today?
Who are the props in your play?
You’re acting a part which you thought from the start
was an honest one.
Well how do you plead?
An actor indeed!
Go re-learn your lines,
You don’t know what you’ve done
The finale’s begun.

There is one song on the same album that when listened to clearly demonstrates the superiority of clean, unscratched vinyl on a good turntable over CD’s today.  The lyrics have always meant a lot to me

Maybe I’m mistaken expecting you to fight
Or maybe I’m just crazy, I don’t know wrong from right
But while I am still living, I’ve just got this to say
It’s always up to you if you want to be that
want to see that
want to see that way  

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Look Ma No Cavities

Look Ma No Cavities
In the last few days I’ve been experiencing some minor discomfort in one of my teeth.  This brought back some very terrible memories of a toothache I had when was about 10.  I couldn’t see the dentist for a couple of days and I really suffered.  I was in constant throbbing pain and there was little anyone could do.  When I finally made it to the dentist I found out the tooth wasn’t worth saving so they extracted it.  I was pretty excited about that because I hate fillings.  My teeth almost never completely freeze.  There were times the dentists would give me 3 needles and I still felt what was going on. I’ve always preferred the quick yank to the drill.  When they pulled that tooth I just lost it.  My feet went kicking and I must have cried for 15 minutes aftwards.  What a terrible experience.

I generally don’t like going to dentists.  Being self employed I don’t have dental insurance.  I haven’t gone for a checkup in a long long time.  I’m also highly motivated to avoid what I experienced as a child.   So I made an appointment as soon as I felt some discomfort.  I have no idea why some people prefer the pain of toothache to the dentist.  That makes no sense to me.  Fortunately the discomfort faded over the last few days.  I had my appointment today and I have no cavities just a leaking filling.  I’m so happy.  All in all I will be out a few hundred dollars.  Phew!

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The last 2 days have been really good

The last 2 days have been really good
I’d like to say thank you to all the people who have been praying for me over the last little while.  I’ve had two relatively peaceful days taking it easy playing Knights of the Old Republic on X-Box.  It is good to feel almost normal again.

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Paul Martin wants to take over the world!

Paul Martin wants to take over the world!

What Martin has in mind is nothing less than spearheading the move toward a limited form of world government. The easy prediction is that once in office he will act as his own finance minister. I believe that instead he will be much more active as his government’s foreign affairs innovator. His ambitions recognize few limits. He once confided to me that he wants to duplicate internationally, especially in the underdeveloped world, what we do domestically, including a global system of equalization payments, free education to the high school level, the formation of global instead of national health care and banking systems, and so on. What he has in mind is common approaches instead of creating new levels of co-ordinating bureaucracy, but it’s an original and inspiring concept and if realized would mean dramatic shifts in global priorities.

Some of these ideas sound very cool. 

The rest of the article can be found at Canada.com

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Random

Random
When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, well they’d be singing so happily,
joyfully, playfully watching me.

I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment’s gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity

Take that look of worry
I’m an ordinary man
They don’t tell me nothing
So I find out what I can
There’s a fire that’s been burning
Right outside my door
I can’t see but I feel it
And it helps to keep me warm

Tho’ my life was in a rut
“Till I thought of what I’d say
Which connection I should cut
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My heart going boom boom boom
“Hey” he said “Grab your things
I’ve come to take you home.”

And I will go on shining
Shining like brand new
I’ll never look behind me
My troubles will be few

Goodbye stranger it’s been nice
Hope you find your paradise
Tried to see your point of view
Hope your dreams will all come true

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Crazy Dream

Crazy Dream
There are two main characters in my dream.  Jordon Cooper’s dog Elway and a girl I used to ‘appreciate’ in the past.  Let us call her Tasha.  I’m not in my home city but I don’t know where I am.  I’m visiting with some people.  Tasha is married to some guy I don’t know.  Odd because in real life she married a guy I do know.  She seemed to be irritable and depressed even though her husband tried to do everything he could to make things better.  She seemed genuinely glad to see me and it almost seemed like she had forgotten a lot about me.  I was really happy to see her.

The real star in the dream is Elway.  Elway by day was a mild mannered but somewhat passive aggressive dog.  But when he got out to play with other dogs and kids it turned out he could actually talk.  Elway was the life of the party.  He could so some amazing stunts and he was very sarcastic and liked to make a lot of jokes.  I did my best to capture some of these moments on my Canon Powershot A70 with the video mode.  The whole episode was cut short when Elway tried to do something a little dangerous and ended up hurting himself.  I wish I could remember some of the jokes he made but the dream has faded, and the memories weren’t magically stored on my Camera as I’d hoped.  Elway didn’t understand why people were afraid of him.  He kept saying It’s not like I’m going to chomp his [insert anatomy part here] off”.

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