Archive for October, 2000
Posted by LT in on October 15, 2000
I haven’t written for a while. It seems there are times when you encounter some spiritual darkness. I believe I’m in that right now. There are some signs of life. The Lord is rekindling a small fire in my heart.
There are many reasons why someone might start to “slump”. For me I believe it’s all tied in to my vision, or my sense of reality. Before I lose you thinking I’m going to throw a whole bunch psycho babble let me explain. When I see God for who He is, and when I see myself for who I am things seem to go very well. When I lose my perspective of who God is then my relationship seems to suffer. When God is more real, the priorities are more real. When God is less real things grow dim. The desire to further my career or advance some other area of my life seems to take over. Sin just doesn’t matter as much when you hide in spiritual darkness. Sometimes when I realize what is going on it’s like I’m waking up from a vivid dream. I realize what I was thinking and what I was seeing isn’t the true reality of the situation. When I don’t cloud out God with the cares and pursuits of this life the Christian life seems easy. Love comes more readily. The energy to serve exists. I would liken it to the story in “Escape from Christendom”. The traveller quickly became exhausted because he lost his vision of the holy city. That’s how I feel. We often pray for strength, and purity but a lack of strength and a lack of purity stem from a lack of vision. A clouded and distored perception of God.
You ever notice how much sin matters when you know it may be judged. I’ve even delayed visiting an old friend because he has true prophetic gifts and my spiritual life was a shambles. I didn’t want God to tell my friend about me. I cannot hide in my darkness, I must bring myself to the light and be judged so that sin can be dealt with.
In the last couple of months I spent a lot of time with one young lady in particular. I am single and this girl is pretty good. She seemed to really like me, and I know I liked her. Smart, funny, beautiful. I was kind of in awe that I may actually have found myself a really good woman. It turned out that she was still kind of holding on to the possibility of someone else. Naturally my heart was broken. I have about as much luck with women as the Calgary Flames do in the playoffs. Events like this really don’t help, but God is good. I think I like God because he’s consistent when people aren’t. On a certain level I have no use for people. I think people are stupid, inconsistent, and untrustworthy. At the same time I’ve observed an incredible amount of love that God has given me for people. (An incredible amount of love He has for people.) Sometimes, when I’m letting the Lord work the love of God compels me. It’s amazing. There is a verse that relays this point. It’s this same love that allows me to be gracious to people that hurt me. I’m very thankful that God has changed me to be more like Him in this regard.
I pray that the Lord will restore my vision and lead me back in to the light. That He would break the power of cancelled sin and set this prisoner free.
Oh for this tongue to sing my great redeemers praise!